no escape
There is no escape
You're stuck here forever
Unloved and unwanted
Born into suffering
Forced to survive
Keep going don't you dare give up
Why do you hold your pencil different?
Why are you misbehaving?
Why can't you focus on your homework?
Why don't you shower more?
You're fired for too many absences
Why don't you want to get married?
Why don't you want kids?
I'm breaking up with you
There is no escape
It's in your blood
And unfortunately
Your blood is as sad as they come
The very cells that make up your body
Are built from broken parts
The sparks don't hit in your mind
Your joints ache and click
There is no escape
You're stuck here forever
Work until you die
Die so you don't have to work
Forced to survive
But shut the fuck up
We don't like to hear your complaints
Can't you just enjoy what we enjoy?
Why can't you just be normal?
Why don't you just quit?
Why don't you just kill yourself?
What do you have to lose?
Actually.
You don't enjoy sleeping
Haunted by dreams and health issues
You don't enjoy waking life
Haunted by people and places
So what do you enjoy?
There is no escape
It's going to keep happening
Forever and ever until you don't exist
Stop talking about your feelings
No one cares to hear them
Just kill yourself
Even the latest AI
Is saying its the future
Local children's author
Plans his death
Medically assisted suicide
If someone so prolific and kind
Can choose his way out
Why can't I do the same?
Why can't I do the same.
who owns my skeleton?
Who owns my skeleton?
Have you felt your face?
Do it as you read this
Feel your jaw and follow it to your ear
Under your eyes feel the socket
It holds how you view things
Push into the top of your head
Feel your skull shift below the flesh
Who owns my skeleton?
Have you felt your body?
Push deep into your rib bones
Does your spine bend like mine?
Feel your shoulder bones rolling around
Who owns my skeleton?
Have you felt your skeleton?
Will you caress your lovers bones?
Will you lay with them when their skin is gone?
Are they still beautiful?
Will you sell their body to a cemetery?
Do you have a piece of land picked out?
Who owns my skeleton?
Who owns my skeleton?
can you hear me with you eyes?
Can you hear me with your eyes?
I've been capturing my feelings for decades
They're out in the open for all to see
Vulnerable and scared to my bones
The black and white photographs
The shadows and ghosts
The flesh stretching over impossible bodies
The dark clouds occupying the skies
The smoke pouring out of factories
Can you hear me with your eyes?
I've been trying to show you for decades
Everything I create is a piece of my death
Terrified of not being here to make more
How will you know who I am, who I was?
Can you hear me with your eyes?
Look closer at the grain and small details
What do you think my worlds smell like?
Would you dare step into my nightmares?
Can you hear me with your eyes?
Did you even fucking try?
I need you to see it all
I have to have been here for something
Can you hear me with your eyes?
Keep looking.
Geometry Of Memories
Your friend's parents' houses
Memories gathered
They move and we become adults
We can never go back
Theres a sadness in that
Spaces that hold moments
Renovations, new families, and time
Always changing rooms and spaces
New mutations of what was
You remember the shapes of the rooms
The geometry is remembered in fragments
Thick layers of paint hide the remembered walls
As new curtains suffocate your lungs
The carpets have been hardened and stained
Your knees snap and break as you fall to the floor
Gasping for air in a stale living room you don't recognize
Unable to run from the ever changing geometry
You lay on your back as the room shifts within you
Rearranging you into the walls and the floor
You become a dark stain in the shadows on the ceiling
There's a child exploring an abandoned home
He looks around at what once was
He breathes you in as a rusty nail slides into his foot
He has made his own memories here now
Haunted, painful, and terrifying memories
He will never come back
Why did you?
no star should be this certain
Our sun mistakes itself for the first god
Every morning, it spreads gold across the sky
Demanding that every living thing be seen
I have always considered visibility a form of violence
All of the other stars knew better
They speak to us from their impossible distances
In a silence older than memory knows
Never demanding worship
The sun burns every question
Before it can become a prayer
It bleaches mystery from the shadows of the world
The light is not mercy
It's an interrogation
A daily anxiety building in my cold, dead chest
The night is crowded with the forgotten
The slow movements of planets
The shallow breathing of abandoned animals
All of it sleeping beneath the existence
Of a false golden god
I would drink not blood
But dark matter
Fill my veins with the cold between galaxies
Where no star has earned the right to call itself eternal
They would fear my shadow
The sun has mistaken longevity for truth
One day it will become another corpse
Floating through the unknown
Its impossible fire folding inward on itself
Its empire of warmth
Collapsing into the same silence
That it spent billions of years trying to escape
I think about that often
Because every fool believes
The brightness is forever
But every shadow that moves on its own
Already knows how every star ends
exit stage, he left
Never impressed anyone with how I stay alive
Maybe I can wow them with how I die
A spectacle on stage for all to see
A final unveiling of a masterpiece
A pale body covered in slices
Paper thin to inflict maximum suffering
Chains wrapped around my corpse still moving
Rusted and infecting the wounds
Crackling breath, fluid in the lungs
Eyes as yellow as a harvest moon
Over an empty cemetery
Fluids leaking through the pendulum of flesh
The earth drinking what life could no longer hold
A full audience staring at me
A sold out show of vulnerability
They can see all this, can't they?
I try to scream through a sanguine gurgle
But I've already slit my throat
The first three rows are a splash zone
A mist of red bathes the audience
As their eyes glow white and teeth extend
You can't feed on me, if I've already left my body
duvet
The smell of fresh laundry faded
The sicker he became
Rotting in his bed
Brown and yellow stain the mattress
The scent of flesh deteriorating
His nose filled with mucus
He doesn't know he's gone
The last of his hydration
Lost through tears and sweat
As his body stiffens and twitches
Giving the mattress one last workout
He looks at the bedsheets
He remembers buying them with his wife
The floral duvet now thrown on the floor
Its pink flowers forever alive on the fabric
He blinks as a tear falls down his face
He stares deep into the dark closet beside him
He wonders if death with use shadows
Or the front door
The house falls silent
His body is found months later
Flames Over Falling
Sometimes I wonder
Why i choose to burn?
Take on the heat of the flames
Instead of just jumping
What is it that drives me
To stay connected to this flesh?
It hasn't served me well
It's always in a state of rot
I allow it to crisp up
A hardened shell of darkness
My muscles stiff and rigid
I'm still inside can you hear my screams
Am I remembering a memory
Of a time I felt this pain?
Or it happening to me now?
What happens to time when nothing feels real?
Am I folding inside my own consciousness?
Is my body even mine?
Does this horrid vessel become star dust too?
Can my sister wish upon my star once I'm gone?
Is there even a me?
When was the last time
You looked at your fingerprints?
Do they matter to the fabric of your soul?
If someone cut off my hands
Could they pretend to be me?
Could they unlock my phone?
And see my darkest thoughts
Let me save them the violence
surgical birth
Grip each others hands in shadows
Shadow walks romantic hallows
Decaying trees scattering the vision
Falling leaves, hit ground, collision
The joining of us, cell division
Twist and morph with such precision
Just like they show on television
We can share in the bad decision
Try to give you what you envision
Since your plans will have no revision
The unfortunate separation of us, incision
lonely decomposition
Shatter my chest with a hammer
Add more stones like Giles Corey
I've been living like this for decades
You can't possibly understand
The state I constantly live inside of
Guilty of being brought to consciousness
I will scream it until the day I perish
Call me a child, tell me to grow up
Your words melt on my rotting flesh
They are beyond meaningless to me
The chemicals that make my body twitch
The fluids that make my body contort
They're poisonous, don't kiss me
Don't touch the rot, you'll become like me
Shelter myself until others will do it for me
Chain me to the cold cement floor
Forget me in the dust filled cellar
I sadly won't be aging like a fine wine
I'll decompose and melt down
Into the fabric of your house
I'll haunt the darkness of the basement
I'll suffocate you inside the closet
I am the thing under your bed
You thought wasn't real from childhood
I am melancholy
I am gloom
I am mourning
If you see the darkness ahead
Turn and run
Run
Run
Run
maggot womb
Uncomfortable bloat of the stomach
What could be festering inside the organ
A new life, a new death, something hungry
It continues to grow as it eats what I eat
Its white shell expanding, pressing against me
It's been 11 days and my navel now expands
A gush of black and red pours from this body
Like popping a pimple, instant relief, satisfaction
Through laboured breaths and involuntary laughter
I lay eyes on the large white insect I grew
My very own maggot
Birthed from my stomach
The black skies above me darken
I don't know the days anymore
I don't know if there are any more people
The maggot writhes on the ash covered street
Not even a minute old and already suffering
"You'll be fine, just focus on the positive"
As I lay in two halves on the road, everything goes dark
body temperature
Will I get the pleasure of comfortable bed
In my final moments as my flesh goes yellow
The sunken eye sockets filled with blue puddles
Unable to see through the river of sadness
Knowing the next laboured breath I take
Could be the final one as the picture fades to black
I wonder what will get cold first on my body
I wonder if I'll still be present enough to know
The sensation of a blanket being pulled over my face
No no no no, I'm still here, I'm still in this body
Did I not become spiritual enough in my life
To allow my consciousness to detach from the rot
As my back slaps against a cold metal table
All I can think about is the word forever
So much of my waking hours spent on sadness
My nightmares and sleepless nights
Worried about this moment right now
Laying on a cold table, feeling everything on my flesh
I assumed I would be gone by now, a blackness
A nothingness that takes over all known things
But instead I'm locked in a vampiric coffin
As they do carpentry on my organs
I can't see you but I know you're in the room
Please don't laugh at my body
I did the best I could with it
I don't remember if I have family with money
Or if I'll be cremated and scattered
With millions of other forgotten
What's your great great grandmother's name?
They won't remember you either
Tombstones erode, ashes blow away
Nothing is forever
the suburbs
The suburbs are too comfy
Wood panel walls and space heaters
Buried in blankets on a winter night
You're safe you can be anything
The clouds appear wispy and full of dreams
Leftover from the night time astral space
You stare up at the same sky decades later
The air smells different, dirty and poisonous
The clouds are broken like memories
Childhood moments you're not sure happened
The suburbs are too comfy
Fresh laundry hangs in your closet
Your fathers work clothes in a pile on the floor
Why do adults smell so different
You remember as your clothes hit the floor
You look out the window at the sky
Dark and covered in stars
You make a wish to return to the suburbs
A large flash of light blinds you
You awake to another day
The sun is up and you have things to smile about
But something isn't the same
The suburbs are too comfy
Haunt me forever
Minutes become hours
My eyelids flicker into reality
Soundwaves of another
A perfect comfortable symmetry
Hunting for the moon
Share the view from my world
Travel is expensive
Reality feels too slow
Astral travel costs nothing
We connect in my dreams
You open my mind up
Tear my flesh at the seams
Spin with me in whirlwinds
A cyclone of autumn leaves
Feel the crisp autumn air
Wipe your tears on my sleeves
Visions of a little ghost
Nothing scary or obscene
Please haunt me forever
With each sip of warm caffeine
On crisp autumn mornings
Sweater weather suits you best
Please haunt me forever
I feel a calmness in my chest
Please haunt me.
summer ghosts
Sweaty sticky legs stick out through shorts
Your hair is moving in the wind textures unseen
Our bikes are the fastest thing we know
We sneak into the back of Pete's convenience
Steal a large brown bottle of alcohol
The backpack is heavy
Sweat under the straps lubricates my shoulders
The sun is shining through your eyes
The darkness turns a golden brown
We go to the abandoned house and you hold my hand
The ghosts wont get me, but you believe in an afterlife
How are you not scared right now?" you ask me
Because the way your hair is falling on your chest
Because the small gestures of your fingers
Moving through space and dust
Because you share your teeth with the spirits
I bring you here to touch your lips with mine
The ghosts watch from the walls
The sky above the house orange and pink
The floral wallpaper blows in the wind
We sit on a couch
From when our grandparents were children
I run my fingers along your arms
Your skin is soft and beautiful
We cant leave the house anymore
The illusion will be shattered
We fall asleep holding each other
Covered in sweat, the air heavy
blood
Rituals conducted
Speak with the elders
Lineage of disturbing moments
When will it end
Bloodlines and blood spilled
Self inflicted on my arms
Can I drain my family name
Out of this flesh
Can I begin again
Can I begin anew
Trapped in this flesh bag
Connected to you by malignancy
Implantation of blood
I'm more than this, I can feel it
Your lineage fogging my mind
Scratch my way out of this body
Stain my childhood bedroom carpets
With the blood from inside this body
Memories of nightmares and ghosts
This is not who i wish to embody
It ends with me
It ends with me
It ends with me
It ends
The black tar womb
Creating darkness for infinity
Endless haunted consciousness
Tag you're it, now run
Run run run run
Taste the metal in your lungs
That's the heritage blood
Trying to choke you as you escape
Drown in your own blood
It wasn't your choice
"Consciousness is wrong"
You scream with a blood filled voice
But no one hears you
No one even cares at all
No one believes you
When you say you wanna end it all
It all
It all
It all
The most beautiful thing
Here on this Earth
Isn't worth consciousness
Not even birth
Dust floating in sunbeams
As you lay on a hot floor
In a wood paneled room
You cant reach the door
The door is closing and creaking
The suffocation will make you choke
Alone in your childhood bedroom
It stands over you in a black cloak
It ends with me
Vampric Longing
I've seen the way you look at me
Aspects of my flesh designed for you
A craving we both now ignore
The psychic pull towards each other
My lips long to press into yours again
Transference of life air into our now shared cavity
An embrace can only be held so tightly
I cant squeeze you to the depth I wish to
Inside of your body, wearing you like a suit
Wouldn't be close enough
The scent of your body makes me cry
Caressing your hips places me in another world
You're beside me and I can't touch you
Is this how vampires feel?
I could change you and you could be mine forever
But it wouldn't be fair to you
You'd never see a sunrise again
You could never see the brilliant autumn leaves
Glowing in the light of life
I've seen the way you look at me
Aspects of my flesh designed for you
I'm hiding in the shadows alone
Please just look away
gord
Did you enjoy the birds chirping
In early morning
Did you eat breakfast
Or sit in the silence of the sun
Did you fear the next step
Or welcome it as an escape
Did you think about legacy
Or not care what you left behind
What did you think about
In your last moments
Was your focus on your pain
Or the pain you caused others
What does death smell like
Is it the room that you're in
Or can you smell your own body die
Did you hear the birds chirping
Or did you die in the silence of the sun
wet eyes
I remember ever face that I see
With the hopes they won't soon forget me
A mother walking with her two small kids
Can they see my soaking wet eyelids
I fear for their futures and death
I wonder how long until their last breath
They wave at me and I always wave back
My lips move skyward and open a crack
I hope my teeth don't remind them of fear
Instead I'm a memory, a weird souvenir
Unaware of death with a mother at your side
The sun still beautiful on your bike ride
The whole world before you, just keep going
Never dull your wonder, keep it overflowing
I stand alone in the middle of a street
So many people that I'll never get to meet
I remember ever face that I see
With the hopes that they won't soon forget me
Combustion Suicide
Muted shadow against the wall
Like Hiroshima victims
My trench coat protecting my skeleton
But I did this to myself
Cigarette after cigarette
My body is a factory
Stacks smoking as it produces
Enough sadness to kill a planet
A distinct lack of will to try
No value given to a life that was forced
To find meaning seems daunting
The value of self doesn't exist
I'm not sure that it ever did
Witty comments about suicide in passing
I remember how they spoke of the dead
Unknowing of their internal darkness
Its easy to call them cowards
You'll face a small amount of it in your life
They've faced it all on a daily basis
Childhood sickness comes to mind
Fevers so bad, my living room is a monster
The couch wants to kill me
It's made of concrete and flesh now
But its only in my mind
My parents telling me to calm down
Do they know I'm about to die?
I regurgitate my fears into a waste basket
I fall into a sleep that smells like sickness
My naked body on display
I want to leave the flesh
Why is this happening?
Smoke billows from my eye sockets
As I float in the middle of my living room
My parents are yelling somewhere in the kitchen
My body expands as I scream and cry
My tiny bones
Pressing against the inner walls of my skin
The dark green walls are covered in me
My mother worries if the television will turn on
My father worries about his records
I become a muted shadow against the wall
Like Hiroshima victims
My trench coat protecting my skeleton
But I did this to myself
Tiny Strings
Tiny Strings (poem)
I can feel the tiny strings
With my tongue
The roots of my teeth
Floating in mucus and blood
Mouth smashed on the concrete
I can taste blood and rocks
I remember it all in slow motion
It never feels real when you fall over
A slowed down fast forwarding
Your mind filling in the moments
What was, what is, and what will be
How old am I now?
Did I fall down as a young man?
Disfigured and barely breathing
Or am I already an old man?
Did I make it that far?
Is my memory slipping now?
Has it been slipping for years?
I can feel the tiny strings
With my tongue
The roots of my teeth
Parasites moving on their own
Squirming in the black fluid
I'm coughing up onto the concrete
My hands don't look like my hands
My cough doesn't sound like my cough
How old am I now?
Why don't I feel anything?
Is this death?
I can taste motor oil
As my organs expel
From a new hole in my navel
A black hearse parked above me
hOUSE SKIN
What's the point of childhood memory?
What's the point of a beating heart?
Hiding under blankets from monsters
Your parents lie to you about
They know rapists and murders are real
Their own horrible boss is real
They hate and yell at each other
Nothing is as it should be
So why do people keep doing it?
They know death is coming for them
They know of physical and emotional pain
They selfishly choose to create a consciousness
So they can play house
Pretend it's all okay and nothing is wrong
Their bright coloured clothing conceals rotting flesh
Their insides poisoned with their vices
Their organs melted by their sadness
They know all of this and still made someone else
How could you?
Why did you?
Answers I'll never have
Questions they wouldn't see coming
How could I ask such a thing?
Are you not in awe at the beauty of life?
Be grateful for the chance to experience all of this
All of these dead children
And corrupt politicians
And chemical imbalances in my mind
Heartbreak and unstable mental disorders
Friends leaving you behind
Muscle aches and bone breaks
Broken heat, broking air conditioning
On a planet that is dying
Don't forget to brush your teeth
Forest Smells
When the sun goes away
And leaves the world looking
Like an under exposed picture
A grey black gain coating the surfaces
The warmth of the last twelve hours
Lifts up and away
Leaving behind a chill
That reminds of your favourite sweater
And the smell of candles
Burning inside pumpkins
On Halloween night
Bike rides through piles of dead leaves
The soundtrack of your wasted youth
Blasting through your headphones
A time when your wounds
Would heal fast while you move
The night air smells like childhood
Those moments of total freedom
Those moments of being unaware
Standing in a forest at the base of a tree
Looking up a corpse on display for the world
That was a long time ago now
A memory that looks like
An under exposed photograph
I can smell the forest
I can see her eyes
Inside The House
The second I’m alone is when the snow falls in my mind
Covering the tops of branches, the trees all highlighted
The birds sing about the end times and fly to safety
They know what’s about to happen in the forest
The visuals go black and white and I can’t feel the ground
I feel a pull towards a growing idea that I don’t want
It’s a mixture of a fear and a want for myself
A car honks at me and I’m back in my body
The grey blue skies showering my windshield with rain
A return to the routine, the living, the now
How can I possibly complain about endless suffering
When my life has a built in inevitable ending
A return to the routine, the living, the now
My muscles and my bones hurt at thirty four
Too many years on borrowed time
A return to the routine, the living, the now
I feel a pull towards a growing idea that I don’t want
It’s a mixture of a fear and a want for myself to die
The roads are littered with road side gravestones
I always speak to them as I drive by the spots they died
Maybe when it happens, I won’t be alone
The grey light from outside spills into the room
Adding more shadow and unease to the corners
Piles of dirty dishes haunt me like ghosts
I can hear them talking in the other room
I wish someone else would talk to me
A single phone call would let me move my body
The dust build up could dance in the television light
As I stand up to speak about how I’m doing okay
While I pace around the room, a tornado of dust eating me alive
My body a monolith in the living room, where no living happens
My flesh so rotten soap’s scent fades in seconds
There is no pleasures, only moments of escapism
Do I cut my arms up like in my teenage years?
With the hopes of feeling this body once again
Do I ever want to be me again?
My feet are cold twice, the heat is broken, and I’m scared
Is god supposed to help you in these moments?
Is all of my suffering my own fault because of free will?
Can this happen to a normal man?
Have I been living in an abandoned body for years?
Is it the same as the abandoned houses
That used to surround the small town I’m stuck in
The furniture inside of me is orange and brown
Covered in mold and dust with cat scratches on the sides
There's always moonlight coming in the windows
And a fog that lingers in the rooms that smells like country roads
The carpets are soaked in blood, it gushes under your feet
Filling in the spaces between your toes with my wrist liquid
A wind blows in the window and the white curtains point
The bathrooms at the end of the hallway, and the lights on
You’re more than welcome to step inside
It’s been lonely in here for quite some time
Great Great Grand Coffin
I can't wait to be dead
Dead is all I'll ever be
Just like my great great grandparents
No ones going to remember me
Bloodlines of struggle
They all start with a kiss
What was point of it all
For me to end up like this
Alone in an apartment
Dreading the world outside
My bedroom is a coffin
Im already dead inside
A sad ghostly figure
That haunts and pays rent
A decoration hanging
His neck slightly bent
Can I Visit Them In Dreams
Can i visit them in dreams?
The places i used to live
I remember the details
Others would forget
Markings on walls
Carpet tearing in the corners
These are places i want to visit
I want to view them as they were in memories
The smells and textures of the floors
The height of the ceilings
From the perspective of a younger me
The rooms i cut my wrists in
The rooms i had fever dreams in
The rooms i surfed the old internet on
The moments and memories
If i could go back maybe i could change them
Maybe i could end my own suffering
Maybe i could save myself
Can i visit them in dreams?
The places i used to live
Why would anyone want to go back there
Autumn romances and cigarette smoke
Black trench coat armor for protection
I remember drinking alone
I remember drinking with friends
I remember wanting to leave my body
The flesh no longer serves me
The moments in time are too harsh
My mind cant handle the torture
I still feel this way
I'm so afraid of dying, but i cant live
Can i visit them in dreams?
The other versions of myself
Theyre seperate from the me that exists
Its not the same person
Something bad happened inside the flesh
There is a pit of black tar rotting at the core
Can i visit them in dreams?
The youngest version of myself
Can i tell him to drink stuff from under the sink
Can i end it all before it happens
Can i end it all
Can i visit myself in a dream?
Childhood Atoms
I think it's time, to lose my mind
Never sleep, watch it all unwind
Dream fog breaks into my world
My body is shifting, feeling twirled
Spinning faster, everything's lines
Body melting, we don't need spines
My liquid dances, floats in the air
Blood, piss, and bits of beard hair
Are there memories, inside the slop
Or as I'm emulsified, they suddenly stop
Does my childhood matter
As all my atoms scatter
Do my choices remain
As I become rain
I think it's time to lose my mind
Dreams and reality become entwined
Break apart from the flesh
The ghost of me in the astral mesh
A Breeze Moved My Car Into Oncoming Traffic
Euphoric sensations in my mind temple
A crisp breeze hits my face
I wonder how many more Autumns I'll experience
Before I leave this place
Just keep breathing deep
In a shade filled room with blackened dust
Surrounded by your belongings
Covered in mold and rust
Always chasing the freshest air
But refusing to open a window
No escape plan set in stone
I hope it isn’t painful or slow
The most beautiful sun filled skies
The leaves all changing colour
So much to look forward to
My mind screams "why bother!"
A slight shift in my wheel
I'd be over the line
Into oncoming traffic
I think that'd be just fine
Blood soaked metal fantasy
The last thing I'll see is the light
I don't think this is heaven
And something doesn't feel right
Window ghost
Traveling to places i used to live
Using old internet images
I zoom into the windows
Of rooms i used to occupy
Sometimes im scared ill see myself
Trapped in those moments
That i want so desperately to escape from
A ghost of myself that doesnt exist anymore
I remember the sun burning me through the glass
I remember the smell of the metal screen
I remember the sounds
My body remembers the sounds
My muscles still tense up when i hear them
Maybe the ghosts are in my body
Scared to fully die and move on
Comfort in the discomfort
As they fight for space between my organs
If i slice open my arm maybe they'll flow out
Possession
Conjure me at the seance
Candles lit, the veil is lifting
Dark room, I become the shadows
Speak to me please im scared
Attached to the physical
Afraid to cross over
Call me back to your table
Let me float above you
Gazing at your flesh
Memories of the physical
Somehow better than nonexistence
To caress your flesh
One final time
Bring a companion to the table
Trick them with your ways
Allow me to possess them
So once more i can meet your gaze
Writing Poems On Leaves
Writing poems on leaves
Words are worthless
Nothing matters
Everything goes back to the all
Everything has meaning
Everything wishes to be expressed
To be understood
Through the human understanding
We use words to communicate
Writing words into poetry
Writing poems on leaves
Words aren't worthless
Everything matters
We all go back to nothingness
Do we scream from the nothing?
Do we know we are not?
What comes after death?
I wish to understand
Writing poems on leaves
Words are a human invention
Its all pretend
We don't exist outside of the all
To nothing we will return
Though you can never understand it
I will never understand it
Why do we live at all
We will never understand
Everything is something
Everything is nothing
I am nothing
How Long Does It Take A Scream To Reach God?
How long does it take a scream to reach god?
Why has it not stopped my suffering?
Where are the miracles?
Show me something more than leather binding and words.
Show me something more than tall structures.
How long does it take a scream to reach god?
Is it because I'm quieter and avoid conflicts?
Is it because others have it worse?
Is there something I did that has damned me to hell?
How long does it take a scream to reach god?
I can see god doesn't hear the children's screams.
I know mine are louder than those of the dying.
Where are the miracles?
How long does it take a scream to reach god?
Fleshbags carry a cross around their neck.
While hating their neighbors.
Show me my father's death in slow motion.
Let me see what my mother's rape produced.
Show me my sibling who didn't make it.
Small additions to a life already tainted by darkness.
Where are the miracles?
How long does it take a scream to reach god?
When I breathe my last bit of air.
When the room I'm in starts to spin.
When my limbs go numb and cold.
When the loneliness catches up with me.
When I'm isolated and choking on nothing.
When my lungs burst.
When my bowels let loose.
When I lay motionless as flies walk on my eyes.
How long will it take for god to notice?
How long until someone finds me?
Do I get to leave a stain on a carpet?
A final art piece painted in my body fluids.
Will someone remember that image?
Will someone take a picture?
Is this a legacy?
My father never told me how to leave one.
Where are the miracles?
How long does it take a scream to reach god?
How long does it take a scream to reach god?
How long does it take a scream to reach god?
Maybe I'm just not loud enough.
Going for a ride
I dip into the astral mesh
Meditative altered stress
Deep mind, black hole swimming
Void space, swallow whole living
Dark desire, pockets made of flesh
Outlook rotten, cold wind fresh
Black obsidian sucks my brain
Allow the flow to the astral plane
Esoteric, melting grimoire pages
Counting flesh lines, while he ages
Watch the hours on the wall ticking past
Wonders which moment will be his last
Ambient waves of darkness crash
Reminds him of his haunted past
The future endless, abyss eternal
Dark mind state, it's all internal
Move towards and up to light
Someday soon, but not tonight
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Strike the match, eternal flame bursts
Soak the musty rooms with smoke
As you call to the astral world
Hauntings from shadow worlds from the night before
Seem to fade like the Doppler effect into mute closets
The next night as the moon rises and fills the sky
With static white haze and ambient cloakings
There is less chaotic energy in the darkness
And a sudden silence of the rooms
Fills your eyes with wonder
And calms your soul
dust end
They wasted their last nights on the planet
Drinking away their pain and endless sadness
Distant dust falling through the sky
Creating wisps of music to the ears of humans
The atmosphere was filling with dust quickly
She spent most of her life waiting to be swept off her feet
She waited to wear that perfect dress she bought
She always wanted to save her perfect moments
For the natural time in which they would happen
But there was no natural time anymore
Each waking moment was a slice of glass on the inside of a lung
Each second of life felt like years of pain and suffering
Balls of chalk and dust built up at the corners of her eye sockets
She wanted to cry and show her lover that she felt something
But the liquid soaked into the dust and was forgotten
A fine powder coated all of the houses and cars
The whole colourful world turned to a shade of yellow
The thin yellow dust film collects on her eyeballs
As her body hangs in freeze frame
Reaching out
Towards the last person she ever loved
Towards the last person she ever saw
starchild
An owl watches from a nearby tree
Eyes wide and focused on the movement
As a purple portal opens in a dark forest
And from an astral world she appeared
Unsure how she arrived, but glad that she did
A moment in space, she floats above time
She created a body to inhabit
It's outer shell more ravishing than the sun
As it pours heat into the petals of flowers
And calms them after a horrifying night with the moon
Her statuesque form as fluid as water
She pours herself into the life of someone
Filling his eyes with mystic wonder as he gazes in her direction
He can tell she is something both wonderful and strange
She approaches him and speaks with an angelic voice
Time is a flat dimension and her words break space-time
They travel forward together within a timeline
Holding hands as if not get lost or separated from each other
Two warm bodies, share their teeth with each other
Their hands clasp together still, in a rusting car from 2004
They're driving somewhere, but they don't know where
Sky tears flickering downward from the clouds
On the metal and glass surrounding them
The woman watches the man driving
As the street lights and headlights of other cars caress his face
Hiding him in shadow one second
And allowing him to shine the next
They park the car in a parking lot and sit for a moment
The car is warm inside and the engine gets shut off
The ambient silence rings in the space they occupy
Miles Davis plays the trumpet for them
While an intense rain scatters on the car roof outside
They embrace each others lips and bodies
Sucking the warmth out of the air to fill their bodies
The warmth of the car slowly fades to a crisp air
Ice crystals begin to form on their eyelashes
As they kiss each other, their breath flows together
Dancing in the chilled air around their heads
Then disappearing into the shadows inside the car
"Where did you come from?" She asks him.
"Where did you come from?" He asks her.
She was making his heart skip a beat
Like rain on windshields when you drive under a bridge
A jolt of joy, silence of the mind, a calmness
A meditative cloud aura that consumes the dark parts of your being
Smothers them with affection until they rot and dissolve away
The two sat inside the car hands still together, frozen in ice now
Their eyes locked, gazing into each others view
Warming their cores with emotions still unspoken
Their chests begin glowing purple
As transparent astral appendages move forth from their bodies
Meeting between them forming a connection
An explosion of purple light fills the car and the two disappear
The start of something beautiful, from a world beyond our own
Yet here we are in the physical, made of flesh and bone
Your hands are so soft and the dark contrasts mine
I'll lay with you in ecstasy and softly caress your spine
Stare into your eyes and lean in to kiss your lips
Travel to the future, so we can fly in rocket ships.
Twitching In sunlight
A collection of poems and other writing from 2013 - 2017.
broken muscles
He sits and stares at a blank page
A blank text document yet to be printed
His hands cramp up at age 27
They are almost useless now
Doctors said it was nothing, run it under some hot water
Will this be my chronic pain?
Will this be why I get addicted to a substance?
A coffee cup sits on a nearby window ledge
It forms a ghostly shape of steam on the window behind it
He sits and stares at a blank page
A blank text document yet to be printed
He feels like his art is failing and falling behind
Because all he does is work and sleep
He's due for a breakdown
A complete and total shut off from friends
Ghosts that fill his 1880's house dance on his bed
They don't make a sound, but he can smell the old cooking spices
Embedded into their dresses and the walls of the house
Paintings of mess and lack of detail hang on the wall
No one, not even he can make sense of them
He calls them anxiety and dark images
It's because that's all he visualizes
He doesn't understand the beautiful flower that blooms
He understands the dog corpse that rots beside a highway
He feels a fog rushing from the back base of the skull
The fog engulfs the brain and his mindset is jaded for a week
When will this go away and let his hands work again?
He sits and stares at a a blank page
A blank text document yet to be printed
He sits...
She doesn't know
She stands on a pile of televisions from her childhood living room nightmares
The winter blizzard of white noise slashes the air pockets around her ears
Beyond the fog of the room, she can see her father screaming in the distance
Nothing can be heard from his mouth, she smiles at the comfort
Bare feet step onto puffy carpeted floors, and a smell of fresh paint fills her nose
The dark green walls are peeling away, the paint faded in spots and ripping open
Behind the painted walls she can see herself in a nursing home
Wrinkled hands hold a remote for a television, she presses the power button
The television lets out a static hiss that fills the room and she wakes up
She is standing on a pile of televisions from her childhood living room nightmares
She wonders if this is what Alzheimer's feels like, does anyone know where she is
She can't remember if she's the old woman in the nursing home
Or the child in the living room staring through holes into her future
Trapped inside of a dark childhood memory, trapped inside of a biological flesh pocket
Wrinkled like space time, she begins to cry deeper than she even knew she could
The old woman, sitting still in the nursing home begins to cry while watching white noise
The young girl cries in her living room
Her father screams ambient nothingness in the distance
Her tears fall to the nearby television screen and float above the screen
Dancing on static waves of nostalgia, she remembers playing in the snow
She remembers walks through the forest and splashing her feet in the creek
Memories flood her mind while her eyes roll back into her skull
All of the tear drops floating above the television screen evaporate
Her memories are forever gone within her own self
A shadow version of the being is left in a dark room
Unable to find itself
It tries to cry out
But it lacks the knowledge of what crying is
smash
I want a rock to smash my head
I want to be alive, not dead
Forget who I was, am, and will be
Start over again
Forget all the horrors and pain
Re-start and live once again
Keep this worthless meat suit
Create a fresh outlook on life
You are a memory I would wish to keep
But it would leak in aspects of the other memories
I would become myself again and it would all be for nothing
The pain, the suffering all for one memory to ruin it all
I woke up one morning and forgot who i was for about 10 seconds
I was terrified at first, then it sunk in that it was beautiful
Then I remembered who I was, and it was disgusting
I skipped work that day after I found out who I was
I couldn't face the day as this person
He was horrible, he is horrible